when ink meets paper

2011-06-24T06:28:00.001-07:00

The Great Fall.

"You are sugar sweet,

so fine, I'd like to eat."

"And 'my' apple poison seed

will be the death of Him."

Picking up the Apple, He took a bite

as the serpent watches on, grinning.

He stumbled and fell, succumbing to

the trap that the Snake had laid.

Oh, Eve, She was there too.

Found out that He had Sneaked in and Stole,

from Her Garden Behind.

Enraged and unforgiving, but oblivious

to the devilish plot.

One falters, and the Other disposes.

Oh look, at how they've been displaced

Of a life eternal.

2010-09-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

The Destroyer.

He Knows what He is doing.

He knows that he is Destroying.

Yet, He will not stop doing the things that he hates.

Why.

If One is Born to Destroy,

Is He then incapable to love,

since he who is a Destroyer,

Destroys love?

What are Humans,

but pure Creations of the Creator Himself.

What then is the Destroyer,

but a flawed creation of the Creator Himself.

Yet the Destroyer creates Destruction.

to destroy the Creator's Creations.

The Only way to stop This Destruction,

He Realizes:

Is To Destroy the Destroyer Himself.

To Destroy the Physical,

So that He will be Destroyed on the inside.

2010-03-04T07:17:00.000-08:00

I've forgotten whats it like to win.

I've forgotten whats it like to play for my brothers,

whats it like to put your body on the line,

for people you knew that would do the same for you.

I've forgotten whats it like to be in a team.

And i'm gonna find it back once more.

2010-02-17T07:09:00.001-08:00

would you sing me a song now, love?

2010-02-07T06:53:00.000-08:00

He thinks that singin on Sunday's gonna save his soul,
now that Saturday's gone.
And sometimes he thinks that he's on his way,
but i can see, that his brake lights are on.

He just wanders around, unaffected by,
the winter winds yeah, and he'll pretend that,
he's somewhere else, so far and clear,
about two thousand miles...from here

2010-01-25T11:04:00.000-08:00

and i'm free fallin

the night seemed like a standstill,

as she removed the arrows struck in his heart's chord.

one by one, as he grimaced and winced.

by God, how did he survive?

when it was all over,

was it a sense of release, embarrassment or grief that evoked within.

he was unsure.

so very unsure,

like the smile on his face now.

2010-01-19T07:34:00.000-08:00

your smile, it made my day really.

it began, like the picking of a string on his guitar,

a pleasant sound, that resounded within the cavities,

filling his void with warmth and gentleness.

it swept merrily, with grace, inside out

as weariness was shed,

a smile slowly, but surely, emerged on his face once more.

2010-01-19T07:28:00.000-08:00

Issiah 40:31

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

press on boy.

2010-01-16T07:54:00.000-08:00

"If you had the oppurtunity to turn back time, and change something from the past, what would it be?"

"All the times i had hurt a close friend of mine in secondary school, which i suppose has caused him to hate me pretty much now."

It has still been weighing down on me all these while,

all the guilt and shame.

I'l just pray that the Holy Spirit will heal and bridge this gap.

2010-01-01T10:55:00.000-08:00

2010.

All for God and school.

by faith,

It is possible.

2010-01-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

i just hate it how you never fail to keep me waiting in anticipation,

raising my hopes and expectations.

and how everything just crumbles just before the moment arrives.

2009-12-31T12:42:00.000-08:00

Well make sure to build your house brick by boring brick,
or the wolves gonna blow it down

2009-12-27T20:51:00.000-08:00

Not a huge fan of change.

2009-12-23T10:53:00.000-08:00

Flying Inside Your Own Body

Your lungs fill & spread themselves,
wings of pink blood, and your bones
empty themselves and become hollow.
When you breathe in you’ll lift like a balloon
and your heart is light too & huge,
beating with pure joy, pure helium.
The sun’s white winds blow through you,
there’s nothing above you,
you see the earth now as an oval jewel,
radiant & seablue with love.
It’s only in dreams you can do this.
Waking, your heart is a shaken fist,
a fine dust clogs the air you breathe in;
the sun’s a hot copper weight pressing straight
down on the think pink rind of your skull.
It’s always the moment just before gunshot.
You try & try to rise but you cannot.

Margaret Atwood

2009-12-22T10:44:00.000-08:00

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul

Christianity - privilege, or a chore?

damn it.

2009-11-20T07:27:00.000-08:00

and you'd break your neck just to keep your chin up high.

2009-10-29T20:04:00.000-07:00

Landscape of the beginning.

Let it be a perfect heart for all your sweet romances.

Take my pride to cast the stone and justify my right.

Look beyond this...

Have you ever given orders to the morning,

Or shown the dawn its place to shake the earth of its ill.

Do you know the dwelling of the paths of light,

Or how the east wind scatters over our skin?

Can you bind the twinkling of the stars or loose the cords of Orion’s noble charge

Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons

Could you fathom that?

May it be a perfect love for us to give the hopeless.

Take my life, I worry far too much beyond my might.

Look beyond this...

Do you know when the mountain goats are due birth,

Or watch when the doe bears her fawn.

Do you know who let the wild donkeys go free

Or why the ostrich flaps her wings?

Do you give the horses their strength and mane or why they shun no sword or trumpets reign Do you command the eagle to soar or slay his prey

Could you fathom that?

Is this pain going to take control of me

You have to be with me God in your power could you make some sense of this

I'm fighting for you only.

God if I crumble could you take me back to forever

So I could love you beyond this

So I could love you beyond this...

2009-10-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

i hope its gonna make you notice.

just our hands clasped so tight,

your smooth palm fit oh so perfectly into mine,

we layed there in the midst of silence,

in which i saw one's mild sobriety.

Your hair that grazed my face,

my defence oh so paper thin,

such sweet scent that tugged at my heart,

why do i feel so vulnerable?

My utmost admiration of a love so austere,

a mirage of a perfect love,

as i await in anticipation.

But up to then,

your just a slender picture in my mind,

that slender that flickers every now and then.

2009-10-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

Expectations, expectaions. Fuck You.

promoting suddenly isnt just about yourself,
its those around you:
the people whom you spent almost your entire childhood growing up with.

i want my friends back.

and all of the sudden,
i'm just caught between a web of emotions,
one of relief, ecstasy, and that of anguish.

stay strong guys.
i believe God has plans for all of you.
ah.

2009-10-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

At the end of the day.

From the beginning of the year up till now, my life in jc has taught me many things and experiences alike. My eyes were open to the bitches and bastards, the hypocrites and bootlickers, and who your actual true friends were. I dare say life in SAJC has been tough, pretty much a stuggle for me to keep up with the hectic schedules, considering there's rugby and my serving in church. I finally understood the meaning of being humble over these period of times, when complacency could actually cost your team the semi finals of the rugby game. I dare say God rebuked and reminded me a couple of times to be humble throughout this year, to be thankful of what i'm blessed with and learn how to appreciate tose blessings.

Yet, Theres clearly a fine line between what can you can do, and how much can you actually do. So much so that i've found myself studying pretty hard consistently throughout the year, but always came close to passing all my exam papers. Come Friday, i might be presented with a tough dilemna when i get those results back.

To be honest, i was really touched when Jannah came and hugged me and told me that she would cry if i really had to retain. But a man is a prideful one, i must not shed any tears on that day. No, i musnt.

I've been thinking. And i feel that i really owe nichoas an apology. That i kinda dragged him into the shit in JC, hen he could have make the best out of his abilities in poly. Now he's facing retaining as well. Fuck you JT.

But whether or not i have to face making the decision, i just pray that all that happens, is in God's will for me.

Ah, theres so much thats tearing me inside out now.
But no, i will not cry.
i musn't.

2009-10-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

just let me be.
i want nothing of the lies, burdens and troubles.
i cant seem to maintain a stronghold with God.
i dont want to be weary and tired anymore.

i just want to be free.

2009-09-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

*Fin

Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire
And nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It's me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell.
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
Is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had:
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart.

This is not heaven
This is my hell.

2009-08-09T11:38:00.001-07:00

i tell you the truth.

we're all the facade that we all seem to avoid.
we're nothing but the false fronts and sweet sparks,
that are meant to satisfy the person next to us.

every single word, or actions,
are just a tool to throb your heartstings.

bullshit.

2009-07-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

i seem to have too many wants and needs,

but too little capabilities to attain them.

1.electric guitar!

2.moleskine?

3.new clothes!

4.NEW SONGS.

cmon cmon, i need a breakthrough.

2009-06-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

and when we find out we're all slaves to money.

to be confined within the towering walls of,
expecations and limitations.

a tamed animal,
that has becomed of him,
deprived of his desires and ideals, he is.

sedated, and tranquilised.
down on our knees, are we not?

but i will breakthrough,
with this covenant my Lord has formed with me.

2009-06-23T11:47:00.000-07:00

birthmarked.

maybe.

are we more than just the semen that comes out way too fast?

2009-06-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

the sucker punch show.

and all of a sudden,
i just find myself missing people,
people who once touched my heart,
but have drifted ever since.

we've all made our choices.
we've all chose our lives,
sadly.

2009-06-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

acoustic tears.

if only i had that voice.

2009-06-11T12:31:00.000-07:00

neverland.

what if,
it was just me and you,
no words spoken
as silence unfolds.

but our presence shall speak forth,
of passion and love,
that surrounds and,
we indulge in.

wholeheartedly, i will.
but would you stand with my slience?

2009-06-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

building the spirit man.

Mould me Lord.
i submit unto You,
with tongues and praises.

2009-05-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

beyond boundaries.

i've kept myself shrivelled up,

concealed, and hidden,

layer by layer,

of words, thoughts and emotions unknown.

i'd give you an onion,

but would you gently slice it,

layer by layer,

to reach into me?

and as you do so,

uncovering and unwrapping,

layer by layer,

would you tear like how an onion causes you to tear?

but as i submit myself to your kitchen knife,

willingly, i will,

layer by layer,

embrace your blade and beauty.

but what you'l never see is my heart,

that i fear, i can never bear to you.

2009-05-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

darlin'.

And I can not stop thinking about you,

I can not stop wondering if you're constantly thinking about me.

Don't close your eyes dear,

I'm still staring.

I won't lie dear,

I'm still breathing,

even though your beauty is breath taking.

Sweet Darling,

this is my confession to,

the crimes of wanting you badly.

And Darlin' if you're wondering,

here's your answer:

yes, I like you.

I don't love you I can't love you.

Or at least i dont think that i do.

2009-05-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

spiders.

If God was on the radio,

I know he'd say to thee:

Love is spiders on the edge,

and we're hanging by a thread,

connected to the other end

of this twisted frequency I've spun,

But I don't care, I'd be happy,

If you'd share,your web,

with me.

So come on, come on,

and say so,

come on, come on and say so.

2009-05-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

And you tell me that the grass is greener on the other side.

how can i believe you,
when i've never seen or been to this vibrant sight before.

2009-05-08T21:55:00.000-07:00

Fairweather.

The tide rolled in not a breath in sight,

And this town went down like the moon at night,

These poor rooftops only go so high,

The volume of our bodies is causing the waters to rise.

The gavel slams the verdict is in,

And the jury find you guilty for the things that you did.

You're scared for your life, so you turn to the man.

The man that holds your life in the palm of his hands.

And your heart starts racing like a bullet from the gun,

And you can feel it in your chest, it's affecting your lungs.

This breath that you're taking's getting harder to take.

Why did it take so long to wake up?

Why do we cry out only when things go wrong?

How would you feel if I only sang sad songs?

2009-05-08T21:40:00.000-07:00

these thoughts were meant to be broke down.

i'm like a machine,

plugged out of its switch.

battery's running low.

and now i'm mulfunctioning.

i need to get connected back fast.

but i'm hesitant,

with a wounded heart that used to be full of hope and faith.

why.

2009-05-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

i'm dry, weary, and running on empty.

as he sits in the corner,
face to the floor,
the phone resonance echoed along the empty bus stop.
he's oblivious to the vibrations in his side pocket,
that attempts to rattle his saddened heart.

so he sat there,
earpiece plucked in, yet it failed to drown out the dreading voices,
that drowns out any life in music found.
his eyes fixed on the road in front of him,
filled with the burstling cars that passed by.
Yet, his mind flashed scene by scene,
like a monochrome film, void of all colours and life.
the loss, the stress, the fears.
everything was just too much to take.

a tingle, and another.
so overwhelmed that,
his eyes shed a tear,
thick enough to stain the pavement
that slowly becomes his best friend when he needs to run away.

but in the back of his mind,
he knew, it was late in the night,
and his parents are shit worried.

all he wants,

is to float along with,

peace and serenity...

2009-05-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

the euphoric feeling.

triumphing over the AC badge,
after 7 years.
its inexplainable,
it just brings tears to my eyes.

2 more matches boy,
stay strong.

btw, thanks to those people who made my birthday special,
not including the shaving of my leg hair.
yea, zenda's card really touched my heart. (:

2009-04-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

how could it be, i've lost my power.

living in faith,
yet succumbed to fear.
as pressure mounts and expectations rises,
cornered by the towering walls of familiar faces.

irony, even alliteration cannot emphasise further what seems to be tearing me inside out.

i'm sorry.
i know i'm not as good as how i once was.
so what if i got heart,
i've got a shoulder joint that is out of place.
i dont want to live under the shadows of the seniors.
i am afraid to be the one to pull the team down. .

shit.
what a beautiful letdown.

2009-04-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

Pretend that your alive.

Watch angels in the morning,
become a devil's afternoon.
I will panic in the evening,
underneath the crashing moon.

So fall in love while you can still hold your head up high,
and pretend that you're alive again.

It's friends that leave you here in the end,
so hold you head up high,
and pretend that you're alive again.

ah. LOVEDRUG is awesome.

2009-04-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

down towards the healing.

I want my life to be red with trees and like Autumn,
I'd float away from evil and,
Down towards the healing.
so sad now we have become the children trapped in the mazes,
I'd give my soul to the one who has the courage,
to find me and free me now.

if I run out, Just be cool like all the vacant lights,
so let the thunders take me under and break my legs tonight.

2009-04-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

i believe, Your my Healer.

back to that painful phase again,
dislocation, aggravation,
a troubled mind and a weary heart,

God, a little help here?

2009-04-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

cant read my poker face.

stakes are raised.

are you gonna take the risk, dear?

i could easily hurt you past believing.

2009-04-08T08:20:00.000-07:00

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

drained out, i am.
a troubled mind and a burderned heart,
dont try to break me down.

but i'l turn to You.

When my soul is weak,
I sing God strengthen me.

2009-04-04T10:40:00.000-07:00

will they open their eyes, and realise we're one?

mark tremonti and myles kennedey!
this song is freaking stuck in my mind now,

awesome.

2009-03-31T08:14:00.000-07:00

first match.

rising up to the occasion.

2009-03-27T10:48:00.000-07:00

I love the way I feel today,
But how I know the sun will fade.
Darker days seem to be,
What will always live in me.
But still I run.

It's hard to walk this path alone,
Hard to know which way to go,
Will I ever save this day,
Will it ever change.

2009-03-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

crushed.

and i'm left to pick up the scabs of myself.

i want my touch back.

confidence boy, confidence.

2009-03-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

i'l lead you back to the Cross.

if you ever lose your way,
here's a map and a bible.

i'l wipe your tears away from your eyes.
if only you would open up, and believe.

2009-03-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

and here i am to sing you a song,

but there you are asleep against, the windowpane.

Just like always.

2009-03-06T07:05:00.000-08:00

schools been tiring.
study, doing work, sleep.
crazy man, sleeping late, waking up early just to get to morning worship.
i think i'm falling apart.

why the heck am i feeling so stressed.

darn.
i've lost my touch in rugby.

Oh Lord, in you i trust,
heal my affliction.
i'm walking towards you in faith.

2009-02-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

Do it for me now.

I'm frightened at night and the wind has a roar,
It seeps through the hall and from under the door,
Like the shit that was said,
I can't take it that well.

I give and I give and I give and I give and I'm still,
Lost and hurt and bone thin from the love that's been starved,

I know it got close but I'm sure it's too far,
From the point of suspense, we know it should be
The end of that part of our favorite movie:
When the guy grabs the girl and gives her his hand,
'Says take me away from this torturous land.

Cause the grave is set up, the hole that I dug.
I gave and I gave and I gave and I gave you my trust.

2009-02-25T07:16:00.000-08:00

true love.

The snow, has come down, on top of everything

The town, was alive and well without you.

The lights, they peer out, of the leafless trees,

And you won't, be alone, I am beside you.

Tears, spilling out, across a dead end street,

Your house, is a lonely box that holds you.

The star, bright and loud, is in dire need,

Of the fear, that is an empty fear inside you.

The stars in the sky illuminate below,

The light is the sign that love will guide you home.

The stars in the sky illuminate below,

If the world were to die,

the light would guide you.

2009-02-19T09:38:00.000-08:00

accelerate, dislocate.

how does it feel to be torn apart by two differant worlds.

Your love makes me whole,
but i'm pricked by self-desires.

to sprear-head into war,

only to crumble by distractions.

i'm so afraid i might falter before You.
so afraid.

2009-02-18T06:46:00.000-08:00

show me how.

i really dont want to go through all the pain again.
not the pungent smell of medicine, mundane walls, and men in white,
sharp needles, morphine in my veins.
knocked out. await in pain.

"fill your heart with faith, let there not be a vessel of fear."

how Lord, How?

2009-02-15T00:13:00.000-08:00

this isnt the finale video. but yea, its just the councillors doing the mass dance.

2009-02-06T09:58:00.001-08:00

SHAKE IT!

GOSH. orientation finale was such a awesomee event! super funny i tell you. we were supposed to cut cloths and form identity of our groups. My group was imitating spartans, except we had the element of Fire. so i made a cloak and a shield for myself. PLUS I DREW 6 PACS ON MY SHIRT. HAHAHAHAH!

LOL AND BEHOLD. they asked me to be the model for our group. so yea, we were supposed to appear on stage and perform certain tasks in front of the principal and teachers plus JC1s. Yeap, and guess what, i had to do hip hop dance.

DONT ASK ME HOW, but i just did it, i knew i looked stupid. but i managed to do a handstand for quite awhile. NOW EVERYONE THINKS I FAKED MY SHOULDER INJURY LAH. HAHAHAH!

THEN. CHERRING SESSION. SUPER FUN. HAHAHA!

FINALE! MASS DANCE! CRAZY MAN. i got so high that i ran up stage with a few others and began dancing with the councillors. HAHA!

SHAKESHAKE,SHAKESHAKE, A SHAKE IT! (:

videos and pics up soon!

2009-02-04T06:52:00.000-08:00

the great decay.

Well you turn when I talk,

Run when I walk,

Rise when I fall,

Burn when I shiver.

Smile when I frown,

Go when I come around.

You twist when I shout,

In when i'm out.

There when I'm here,

Why do I bother?

Laugh when i'm down,

Whine when I make a sound.

2009-02-03T05:51:00.000-08:00

to literally give an arm.

first day of school.
screwed up, dislocated shoulder,
ambulance, hospital, aneasthetic,
await 5 hours for discharge.

i hate it when people stare at me like i'm some kind of specimen.
i hate it when i feel so weak and helpless now.

wont someone come stop this pain tonight?
stop this pain tonight.

2009-01-31T10:33:00.000-08:00

just like a beautiful sun rises,
the sun sets as well.

humanly promises, like any other,
they give a false sense of shelter and consolation to your heart,
a moment of joy to your soul.

but as time passes,
now, now, what do we see in these facade.

everyone's running about in a different world of their own.
we've all drifted apart haven't we?

oh lord, i come before you.
only you can satisfy,
my soul's deepest desires.
fill me whole, with your tender love.

2009-01-30T10:40:00.001-08:00

if you could only know me skin deep.

complexity concealed by a veil of simplicity,
i'm more than a myriad of black and white.
everyone has scars to show, chains to break.
i once was, but now i am.
do you still see a past, or a present in me.

an image potrayed in your mind's eye,
but is that what you truly see?

certainly. theres more than what meets the eye.

2009-01-29T09:58:00.000-08:00

are you hoping for a miracle?

HELICOPTER - BLOC PARTY

go crazy.

2009-01-28T09:55:00.000-08:00

on and off.

like a flame on a candle,
standing tall amidst the wind.
flickering with the howling and rustling.
misguided by the worldly tempations and directions.

the flame slowly extinguishes,
but rekindles again moments later.

somehow i feel something's pulling me back in this path with God.
it feels like a void inside me, undescribable.

i really need some quiet time,
to calm this startling mind of mine.

the problem is,
time and space is what i'm denied of.
and i'm getting frustrated.

2009-01-27T09:54:00.000-08:00

the mirror speaks, but the reflection lies.

to free this heavy heart of mine,

i feel for the need to kick the devil out of my life.

come Holy Spirit, fall in this place.

i need more and more of you.

2009-01-27T07:03:00.000-08:00

tell me whats it like to feel so alive.

bingbangboom.
left4dead is the new dope mann.

we need more CG outings like that,
filling the entire room with shrieks and screams (ahem),
with roars of triumph and laughter.
HAHAHA!

we.are.gonna.expand.
i'm not yet satisfied with the numbers,
are you?

reaching out to more,
theres more to come.
simple awesome. (:

but for now, incubation.

2009-01-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

i'm living and loving my life.

TODAY WAS AWESOME.
COMBINED CG CYCLING AT EAST COAST.
FOLLOWED BY REUNION LUNCH STEAMBOAT.

THANKS GUYS. (:
09' IS GONNA BE AWESOME!

2009-01-24T08:26:00.000-08:00

the domino effect.

stop. pause. think.

do you not have a conscience?

shaped and moulded by the world outside,

do you not have your own beliefs?

falling down,

one by one.

the saddest part is that your oblivious to where your heading to.

like a broken damn you're empty,

and all that's left are the sticks and stones that were built by other people.

it pains me,

it really does.

how can one be so proud about losing one's virginity.

loved ones going astray.

and i can only pray.

2009-01-22T09:13:00.000-08:00

so where do we go now,

where do we go?

"JT, i realised you have shrunk leh, what have you been doing during the holidays?"

"nothing eh sir, just been busy in church."

"you stopped working out?"

"yea, why?"

"i think you pushed yourself too hard last time. thats why now your body is seeing the effects. your body is starting to shrink."

back to basics.

2009-01-19T09:15:00.000-08:00

sick.

i'm thrown into a disarray of a hot and then a cold,
throat's infused with phelgm,
head's throbbing with headache.

bottomline is, i dont feel good.

2009-01-14T09:27:00.000-08:00

i . cant . breathe.

I am not alone,
I live with the memories and regret is my home.
This is my true freedom,
Express all the feelings of what I've become.

I watch the rising sun,
I hope I find some peace today.

It seems I've gone away,
It seems I've lost myself.
It seems I've really lost my way,
It seems I've lost myself.
It seems I've Shed my skin
Are you ready for me,
Or purge my love.
Are you ready for me?
A bitter sinking feeling.

2009-01-14T09:01:00.000-08:00

could i cry, all that is withheld in me.

locked in a room,
enclosed by the four corners of the world,
with only a small glass window at the side.

a window that brought forth hope in his life,

a window that allowed glorious light to shine through.

through this glass window,
he saw familiar faces,
sunken and drunk,
from heavy smoking and excessive drinking.

it gripped his heart,
as he started hammering against the window,
screaming, pleading, begging.
but they cant hear him.

thus he slumped down,
and it dwelled upon him that,
he was in his own world,
and they were in theirs.

in the dead of the night,
oh, what a deafening silence,
and suddenly he felt,
so lost and alone.

where is everybody?

2009-01-13T10:01:00.000-08:00

Will they open their eyes,

And realize we are one.

he feels the pain,

so deep, twisted in his guts.

a lost in his life.

but he cant do much,

he is clawing at himself,

for being so useless,

for allowing you to do these.

the change that you have become.

it pains me to see you wasting your life away.

Through the eyes of one he knows,

he saw a vision,

a vision kept alive,

but now its blurred.

as his weary hands typed his innermost cries on the screen,

tears streamed down his face.

would you believe me if i said i still felt for you all these while.

and now i'm broken and down on my knees,

oh Heavenly Father, i pray for for these lost sheeps to be found.

2009-01-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

by faith.

God is an amazing God.
everything i prayed for, he provides.
yepp, 15 points for L1R5!
SAJC FTW!
and no, i'm not going there for rugby,
cause rugby no longer revolves around my world. (:

yepp, and my family are so satisfied with me that they gave me lots of money as a reward.
hoho, no more tied down by money matters man.
i'm thinking of giving 50 bucks back to God.
we must reciprocate!

AND I CAN FINALLY BUY MY LONG AWAITED VANS!
WOOHOO!

hahaha, must persuade nicholas yap to come to sajc,
basket, score so well.
we confirm same class, same combi.
HAHAHA! MY NEW BEST FRIEND. (:

AMEN!

2009-01-11T08:21:00.000-08:00

living rain, fall again,
come and flood my life.

refreshed in the spirit,
i'm ready to take on 09 man.
the world outside, can say what they want,
think what they want,
but i shall not be uprooted! (:
livinf with personal convictions!

i'm ahead of my bible reading plan man!
gonna finish Old Testament by this year.
HAHAHA!

today's sermon was powerful.
the roadmap of a Christians' walk.
amazing stuff.
and so was lights training!
i'm gonna do lights for service soon man!
cant wait. (:

'o' levels results tmr,
by faith, FTW!
HAHAHAH! (:

2009-01-09T09:37:00.000-08:00

if only time flew like a dove,

faster then how i'm falling fast now.

my mind is completely screwed man.

feeling damn stressed out.

'o' levels results.

what ifs, what ifs, what ifs.

ah, i didnt get to play much in today's match.

maybe its God's way of protecting me from injuries.

but i felt like shit on the inside.

theres something in me thats telling me i musnt lose my starting postion.

gosh, the past emotions are surfacing once more,

i MUST get rid the inferiority complex in me.

and we're pretending as though we cant see one another.

shifty eyes, and ignorance.

my heart's hardened with guilt,

how much i want to just start anew.

how much i want to shout it out,

that i'm no longer who i used to be.

but you wouldnt let me speak,

you wouldnt listen.

you dont seem to want to have anything to do with me.

you left me with a heart chained with a weight,

hardened, and left hanging dry.

as i await the day,

your smile or a word of 'hi',

shall set me free.

oh, i pray for the death of the term called strangers.

gahh, i cant seem to dwell in the Lord's presence at home for the past few days.

it feels like something hindering me, pulling me away.

i need to be recharged in the spirit.

SATURDAY IN CHURCH, HERE I COME!

2009-01-08T06:43:00.000-08:00

you can run, but how long can you hide.

fervant prayers., fervant prayers, fervant prayers.
no more mediocre christians,
but on fire christians.

had a tiring week man.
rugby tranings were hardcore, but fun.
hahaha, jeg, lumpy and the gang are just awesome.

playing SRC tmr.
crazy man.
smallest backline in sajc.
dont go hospital can already lah.
HAHA!

tireddd.
'o' levels results released on monday.
15 points! (:

2009-01-05T07:03:00.001-08:00

So I look in your direction,

But you pay me no attention, do you.

I know you don't listen to me.

'cause you say you see straight through me, don't you.

2009-01-03T20:08:00.000-08:00

with greater capacity.

09 has began.

kinda excited, but afraid as well.

jc's life is starting.

fun, but stressful.

meaning i have to juggle studies, rugby and church stuff.

WHOA.

but God has promised greater capacity in me.

lets start finding life in the mundane!

had a bus tour around singapore praying for all the schools yesterday.

kinda cool, really.

it touches my heart to see how much HOGC really emphasizes on salvation.

BABE OF THE YEAR.

HAHA!

2009-01-02T10:21:00.000-08:00

the end where i begin.

Sometimes tears say all there is to say,
Sometime your first scars wont ever fade, away.
Tried to break my heart,
Well it's broke.
Tried to hang me high,
Well I'm choked.
Wanted rain on me,
Well I'm soaked,
Soaked to the skin.

It's the end where I begin.

Now I'm alive and my ghosts are gone,
I've shed all the pain,
I've been holding on.
The cure for a heart,
Is to move along, is to move along,
So move along.

What don't kill a heart,
Only makes it strong.

2008-12-29T09:50:00.000-08:00

why, have i woken up with bittersweet despair.

i came down here to tell you that,
it rains in heaven all day long.

2008-12-28T09:35:00.000-08:00

day of a hundred thoughts.

God loves, God satisfies

yes.

but there was something in him longing for something,

something much more humanly,

humanly love.

but we are forced to accept the fact,

that everythings just a thought.

2008-12-28T07:58:00.000-08:00

so explain to me, this conspiracy against me.

And tell me how,

I've lost my power.

Where can I turn?

'Cause I need something more.

Surrounded by uncertainty, I'm so unsure.

Tell me why I feel so alone,

'Cause I need to know to whom do I owe.

I thought that we'd make it,

Because you said that we'd make it through.

And when all security fails,

Will you be there to help me through?

i'm sick and tired of this emotional rollercoaster rides.

i feel like crying, but i cant.

i'm numbed.

it has happened so many times anyways.

when you cast your whole heart to something or someone that means so much to you,

only for them to be turning their backs to you.

just like that,

everything just crumbles,

and your left alone to pick up the million pieces of yourself,

alone.

just when i thought i found,

everything's lost.

this is how it ends.

2008-12-25T09:29:00.000-08:00

high, and dry.

if only,
life could be a bed of roses.
scraped away of the complexity and mazes of life.
free from hearbreaks and shedding of tears,
washed away of scarred arms.

dont we all wish that life was a bed of roses,
the enticing sweet scent,
of sensuality, serenity,
comfort and love.

but who is to tend to these bed of roses,
the garderner with blunt shears,
and his tractor with broken wheels?

this double edged sword that we all yearn to wield.
dont we all just wished for life to be a bed of roses?

but soon, it will come to an end,
as our life flashes in front of our eyes,
we feel weary, the lid closes shut.
as we are unaware that,
beneath us where we lay,
holds buried dreams and aspirations.

that my dear,
is our bed of roses.

2008-12-22T08:34:00.000-08:00

a time for Yohe.

As she sits in the corner face to the floor,
she dispels smoke from from her lips and slowly floats away with it,
letting go of so much pain.
her tears are thick enough to stain,
the pavement that slowly becomes her best friend,
when she needs to run away.

Does it help to say I'm sorry ,
If so than I'm sorry that your so unhappy.
This life, those lies are starting get you down.
Darling don't let them drag you around.
Saying "it's my fault" doesn't help repeated.
Time, love and Jesus seems to beat it.
he'll find out this is harder than,
Taking medicine.

2008-12-20T12:03:00.000-08:00

God speaks,
listen, with an open heart.

"because you have so little faith. i tell you the truth,
if you have faith as small as a mustard seed,
you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there',
and it will move.
Nothing will be impossible for you."

a major setback, he has occured.
with close friendships being torn apart,
devastated he is.

but by faith, and by the amount of faith he can gather,
he shall command this mountain of setbacks to collaspe,
through Christ who strengthens him.

a step of faith,
into greater greatness.

thank you Lord.

2008-12-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

fuck it.

go on, point your fingers at me.

you told me to fuck off and die.

the lines are drawn.

you hunger for the world, while i desire for God.

i never wanted for things to end like that.

never did.

2008-12-18T09:15:00.001-08:00

ender.

Here I am beside myself again.
I'm torn apart by words that you have said.
And all in all,I know we're falling apart.
Where did you run to so far away?

And here i am to sing you a song,
And there you are asleep against the window pane,

just like always.

2008-12-15T10:55:00.000-08:00

one last breath.

Please come now,
I think I'm falling.
I'm holding to all I think is safe.
It seems I found the road to nowhere,
And I'm trying to escape.

I yelled back when I heard thunder,
But I'm down to one last breath.
And with it let me say,
Let me say:

Hold me now,
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking,
That maybe six feet,
Ain't so far down...

2008-12-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

oh, can you see this broken heart of mine.

Your words, came like a sudden thought,
they struck me, hard.
so hard, that tears swelled in my eyes.

and so, You want me to place,
my friendships on the sacrificial altar.
You promised to guide me home, but i had to give something in return.
something that meant everything to me.

i'm tired of feeling so out of place out of this clique even,
but seven years,
it burns so deep.

all i wanted was for all of us to serve God together,

but this bubbly vision of mind,

shall burst, as it ceases to exist.

why must we all think so complicatedly,

why cant things be so simple.

why must we all have different mindsets.

why cant we all be equal.

it burns,

so deep.

2008-12-08T22:48:00.000-08:00

the end is just the beginning.

whoa, finally graduated from BMT(A),

after trying to stay awake from the 6 hour long sermons for 3 days.

crazy man, but i learnt lots of stuff from there.

yea, theres still a long way to go,

and the sajc side is pressing me to go for their rugby trainings.

ah, dilemna dilemna.

yea, i think i'm starting to get the hang of the whole 'revalations' thingy.

i've been starting to pen down my personal revalations in case i forget them.

HAHA!

just finished the book on the 4th dimension.

amazing man! (:

yea, maybe i've been neglecting you people.

i dunno.

but my heart's desire is calling me to be in church,

i hunger to serve, to grow spiritually.

i'm sorry, maybe i've caused some hurt,

i feel as though we've drifted.

ah. is this the price to pay for glory?

my innermost cries out to You,

take my hand and guide me,

through these devouring flames and pitch darkness,

the shadows casted,

but your light shall shine.

teach me,

how to walk on troubled waters,

to walk in faith,

and not by fear.

guide me home.

2008-12-04T10:52:00.000-08:00

black and white.

the unpure and the pure.

darkness and light.

chaos and peace.

fear and faith.

these colours, they flood his life,

complicating and contradicting,

just like his personality of utmost uncertainty.

he felt as though his world within was ripped apart,

torn from one end to the other,

as 'fear' and 'faith' clashed swords,

their helmets shone and armour reflected,

the confused face of himself that he was trapped with.

desperate and helpless,

to believe or to doubt,

uncertainties flood, as he drowned in a sea of despair.

he truly wants to grow in Your Word,

to speak to him,

but it seems like your rejecting his every cry and pleas,

blinded to his broken heart, you are.

as you brought him down to his knees,

all scraped and bleeding,

just like his heart within, wounded.

a punctured heart with holes,

as faith, slowly overpoured.

every single bit,

draining away with each passing day.

What if I wanted to fight,

Beg for the rest of my life.

What would you do...?

You say you wanted more,

What are you waiting for?

I'm not running from you....

2008-12-02T07:28:00.000-08:00

in the light of the sun, is there anyone?

Oh it has begun...

Oh dear you look so lost,

eyes are red and tears are shed,

This world you must've crossed.

2008-11-30T09:58:00.000-08:00

sometimes, the ultimate solace can only be found from within.

your words,

the things you do,

it touches my heart,

churning an overwhelming sense of this undescribable feeling,

as tears of nostalgia, they stream,

down this forlorn face.

you created in me,

this feeling once more.

something that i once lost.

thanks GF. (:

2008-11-29T11:17:00.000-08:00

and they said silence was golden.

Loneliness never shined like this.

Caught between the stars,

A well lit drowning.

Darkness mocks me with

A broken compass.

So I swim in a sea of distress,

Broken down, and helpless.

2008-11-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

a blend of fear and passion.

children church camp was really mind blowing man!
i arrived with anticipation and fear,
but was filled with so much excitement at the end.

though i'm new, i still got to know more people! (:

PHOO!
teamed up with xin fei to lead ROTI PRATA!
really awesome kids man.
theres this lil, cute guy called urlwin.
he always holds my hand, follows me around and hugs me!
HAHAH!
amazing people lah!

yea, dunking machine was cool man.
but not the clearing up part.
my arms are aching because of all the carrying of heavy stuff.
wah lao eh, everyone is like, ' EH, WE NEED HELP CARRYING STUFF!'
then some joker will ALWAYS say, ' JT! STRONG RIGHT!'
and there goes countless pails, tables and chairs up and down the stairs.
hahaha, stupid people lah.

A VALUABLE LESSON LEARNT:
DO NOT, AND I MEAN DO NOT,
EVER MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE,
WHEN SOMETHING FUNNY HAPPENS TO THEM.

there is such a thing called karma.
i'm serious.
i'm sure jordan, marcus, chelsea and me know it best.
HAHA!

2008-11-25T08:57:00.000-08:00

and tonight, i'm on my knees.

i feel blinded,
i feel deafened,
i feel starvation.
i am empty.

tempations, aggravations,
pulling me away from You.
the devil, he calls and beckons,
like the pied piper, melancholy enticing.

my lost heart follows in this false sense of direction,
only to be led in a bottomless abyss,
swept away by the waves of despair,
sinking into a darkened path.

so this is my prayer today:
instill in me a Given Vision,
a carrot placed in front of a starving being.
fill me up spiritually in whole,
curbing my hunger for worldly desires.

i come to you humbled, with an open heart.
make me your servant tonight.
give me directions,
on this broad plain of emptiness.
guide me to the light at the other end.

Amen.

2008-11-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

a man without a future will always return to his past.

the past haunts,

like a savage beast hungered,

its shadows overcast.

its paws rearing over its prey,

creating an aura of immense fear and trauma over Him.

His eyes bloodshot with trepidation,

a wrecked memory and a broken soul,

chained to a past as heavy as the weight of a boulder.

the overwhelming sorrows were the Coup de grâce to his mind.

so pick up these shattered fragments of his soul,

torn apart by an ungly past,

and to piece them together,

only to crumble again to dust.

i am only human,

everyone has got a past,

everyone has got scars to show.

BUT a merry heart serves as medicine to a wounded spirit.

live in the light of faith,

for God can only dwell in a positive life and mind,

but foils in the old and the negative.

heal me.

2008-11-18T04:27:00.000-08:00

Helicopter.

North to south,
Empty.
Running on,
Bravado.

are you hoping for a miracle?!

LOL. tues was damn fun!
woke up super early to make water bombs at ruo en's house.
it was quite retarded lah, was quite afriad at first, course i didnt know alot of people there.
after a while, we were all laughing and joking.
FELLOWSHIP! (:

games were awesomely fun!
had help from cheryl, yu cong and jedric.
BUT IN THE END I MESSED UP THE GAMES STATION.
HAHAHAH!

then water bombs fight began!
super funny, i tell you.
after awhile, everyone started throwing water bombs at me!
we ended up with me emptying a pail of water on ruo en and jiaxin!
LOL.

oh wells, it just feels great lah.
like, i'm still new in church and everything,
and i was given this oppurtunity as Game Master.
HAHHA! kinda cool.
everyone's happy!

OH YEA.
i'm currently addicted to Helicopter by Bloc Party.
its so much better than cocaine man!
HAHA!
i gotta feed this burning addiction in me! (:

2008-11-16T08:55:00.000-08:00

maturity does not come by age,
it comes when we decide to accept responsibilities.

strike it event was funfunfun!

LOL.

owned in zone F catergory, and won 10 dollars nike vouchers!
can buy another nike waterbottle!

sajc soccer team fierce siol!

while i was playing,

i experienced this feeling that was indescribable.

it was like, though we lost, the smiles and laughter on everyone's faces was something so soothing,
so much unlike the usual rugby trainings where people pushed the blame to one another.

now people know me as the STAR PENALTY SAVING GOALKEEPR.

HAHAH!

TYCO ONE LAH! (:

yea, everything's cool.

except the fact that i have a badly sprained toe.

SUPER SWOLLEN LAH!

AHHH! tmr still got sentosa, tues got event with the northview kids!

me and wayne! BROS MAN! (:

LOL NICK!

TALL PEOPLE. TSK.

2008-11-14T07:47:00.000-08:00

Oh chariot your golden waves,
are walking down upon this face.

i feel blessed man.
i strongly believe that if we give, God would reciprocate.
won the first prize of the grad night lucky draw,
which is a purple 4G ipod nano.
whooaaa. first thought was that its by God's grace that i'm able to receive this.
selling it for 200 bucks, any takers?

power packed week man!
'o's ended!
grad night, soccer tournament in church, bbq, sentosa!
plusss, someone's coming to singapore soon ehh! (:
YES AH!