Monday, December 29, 2008
why, have i woken up with bittersweet despair.
i came down here to tell you that,
it rains in heaven all day long.
;
9:50 AM
***
Sunday, December 28, 2008
day of a hundred thoughts.
God loves, God satisfies
yes.
but there was something in him longing for something,
something much more humanly,
humanly love.
but we are forced to accept the fact,
that everythings just a thought.
;
9:35 AM
***
so explain to me, this conspiracy against me.
And tell me how,
I've lost my power.
Where can I turn?
'Cause I need something more.
Surrounded by uncertainty, I'm so unsure.
Tell me why I feel so alone,
'Cause I need to know to whom do I owe.
I thought that we'd make it,
Because you said that we'd make it through.
And when all security fails,
Will you be there to help me through?
i'm sick and tired of this emotional rollercoaster rides.
i feel like crying, but i cant.
i'm numbed.
it has happened so many times anyways.
when you cast your whole heart to something or someone that means so much to you,
only for them to be turning their backs to you.
just like that,
everything just crumbles,
and your left alone to pick up the million pieces of yourself,
alone.
just when i thought i found,
everything's lost.
this is how it ends.
;
7:58 AM
***
Thursday, December 25, 2008
high, and dry.
if only,
life could be a bed of roses.
scraped away of the complexity and mazes of life.
free from hearbreaks and shedding of tears,
washed away of scarred arms.
dont we all wish that life was a bed of roses,
the enticing sweet scent,
of sensuality, serenity,
comfort and love.
but who is to tend to these bed of roses,
the garderner with blunt shears,
and his tractor with broken wheels?
this double edged sword that we all yearn to wield.
dont we all just wished for life to be a bed of roses?
but soon, it will come to an end,
as our life flashes in front of our eyes,
we feel weary, the lid closes shut.
as we are unaware that,
beneath us where we lay,
holds buried dreams and aspirations.
that my dear,
is our bed of roses.
;
9:29 AM
***
Monday, December 22, 2008
a time for Yohe.
As she sits in the corner face to the floor,
she dispels smoke from from her lips and slowly floats away with it,
letting go of so much pain.
her tears are thick enough to stain,
the pavement that slowly becomes her best friend,
when she needs to run away.
Does it help to say I'm sorry ,
If so than I'm sorry that your so unhappy.
This life, those lies are starting get you down.
Darling don't let them drag you around.
Saying "it's my fault" doesn't help repeated.
Time, love and Jesus seems to beat it.
he'll find out this is harder than,
Taking medicine.
;
8:34 AM
***
Saturday, December 20, 2008
God speaks,
listen, with an open heart.
"because you have so little faith. i tell you the truth,
if you have faith as small as a mustard seed,
you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there',
and it will move.
Nothing will be impossible for you."
a major setback, he has occured.
with close friendships being torn apart,
devastated he is.
but by faith, and by the amount of faith he can gather,
he shall command this mountain of setbacks to collaspe,
through Christ who strengthens him.
a step of faith,
into greater greatness.
thank you Lord.
;
12:03 PM
***
fuck it.
go on, point your fingers at me.
you told me to fuck off and die.
the lines are drawn.
you hunger for the world, while i desire for God.
i never wanted for things to end like that.
never did.
;
11:29 AM
***
Thursday, December 18, 2008
ender.
Here I am beside myself again.
I'm torn apart by words that you have said.
And all in all,I know we're falling apart.
Where did you run to so far away?
And here i am to sing you a song,
And there you are asleep against the window pane,
just like always.
;
9:15 AM
***
Monday, December 15, 2008
one last breath.
Please come now,
I think I'm falling.
I'm holding to all I think is safe.
It seems I found the road to nowhere,
And I'm trying to escape.
I yelled back when I heard thunder,
But I'm down to one last breath.
And with it let me say,
Let me say:
Hold me now,
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking,
That maybe six feet,
Ain't so far down...
;
10:55 AM
***
Saturday, December 13, 2008
oh, can you see this broken heart of mine.
Your words, came like a sudden thought,
they struck me, hard.
so hard, that tears swelled in my eyes.
and so, You want me to place,
my friendships on the sacrificial altar.
You promised to guide me home, but i had to give something in return.
something that meant everything to me.
i'm tired of feeling so out of place out of this clique even,
but seven years,
it burns so deep.
all i wanted was for all of us to serve God together,
but this bubbly vision of mind,
shall burst, as it ceases to exist.
why must we all think so complicatedly,
why cant things be so simple.
why must we all have different mindsets.
why cant we all be equal.
it burns,
so deep.
;
10:21 AM
***
Monday, December 8, 2008
the end is just the beginning.
whoa, finally graduated from BMT(A),
after trying to stay awake from the 6 hour long sermons for 3 days.
crazy man, but i learnt lots of stuff from there.
yea, theres still a long way to go,
and the sajc side is pressing me to go for their rugby trainings.
ah, dilemna dilemna.
yea, i think i'm starting to get the hang of the whole 'revalations' thingy.
i've been starting to pen down my personal revalations in case i forget them.
HAHA!
just finished the book on the 4th dimension.
amazing man! (:
yea, maybe i've been neglecting you people.
i dunno.
but my heart's desire is calling me to be in church,
i hunger to serve, to grow spiritually.
i'm sorry, maybe i've caused some hurt,
i feel as though we've drifted.
ah. is this the price to pay for glory?
my innermost cries out to You,
take my hand and guide me,
through these devouring flames and pitch darkness,
the shadows casted,
but your light shall shine.
teach me,
how to walk on troubled waters,
to walk in faith,
and not by fear.
guide me home.
;
10:48 PM
***
Thursday, December 4, 2008
black and white.
the unpure and the pure.
darkness and light.
chaos and peace.
fear and faith.
these colours, they flood his life,
complicating and contradicting,
just like his personality of utmost uncertainty.
he felt as though his world within was ripped apart,
torn from one end to the other,
as 'fear' and 'faith' clashed swords,
their helmets shone and armour reflected,
the confused face of himself that he was trapped with.
desperate and helpless,
to believe or to doubt,
uncertainties flood, as he drowned in a sea of despair.
he truly wants to grow in Your Word,
to speak to him,
but it seems like your rejecting his every cry and pleas,
blinded to his broken heart, you are.
as you brought him down to his knees,
all scraped and bleeding,
just like his heart within, wounded.
a punctured heart with holes,
as faith, slowly overpoured.
every single bit,
draining away with each passing day.
What if I wanted to fight,
Beg for the rest of my life.
What would you do...?
You say you wanted more,
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you....
;
10:52 AM
***
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
in the light of the sun, is there anyone?
Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost,
eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed.
;
7:28 AM
***